F.L.O.W.

It was a typical Monday morning and I was in the process of getting dressed. It felt more like a ‘Moody Monday’ and I was trying to decide between a grey, comfortable hoodie meant to keep me warm, or a black hoodie, with Beyoncé’s face plastered on the entire front side of the sweater. 

Bold? or Subtle?

In my head I definitely felt like I needed some Beyoncé vibes. I needed energy, enthusiasm, and unwavering confidence. I wanted to be a force of nature today and make things happen. After all, I had dropped everything and moved to a new city - a process sometimes so brutal, I wanted to give up and go home. So, a little Beyoncé on my side couldn’t hurt. 

After putting on the Beyoncé sweater, I quickly changed to my grey one last-minute and decided being warm and comfortable was what I really wanted to feel. I packed my things and headed to my usual spot to work and didn’t think twice about it.

As I was grabbing my Starbucks sandwich, I had a fleeting thought about their music choices. This particular Starbucks was playing rap music. Starbucks must have a recommended playlist sent from corporate that they instruct you to play, I thought, but this particular one could care less, and played what kept their flow moving. For me, that set the tone for the rest of the day:

“Do what you feel and don’t mess with the flow.”

I got to my spot, opened my laptop and started working. I was focused, but I also wasn’t. I felt like I was being pulled by a current the entire day, swimming whichever way it carried me. Today, for some reason, I didn’t have a care in the world. I felt as if I had expended all my energy in the past month towards myself and my goals, and nothing really had come out of it, so today I had finally run out of energy (hence the grey sweater choice). 

So I went with it. I was scrolling through mindless content on the internet when my friend started messaging my phone non-stop.

I opened it and read the messages. Apparently, J Cole had just tweeted a surprise show in New York City which would start in about two hours. My friend group-chat went from 0-100 in five seconds, and they would basically disown me if I didn’t go. 

So I ditched my things, laptop and phone included, memorized the route google maps gave me to Gramercy Theatre, and left. All I had on me was my debit and my metro card.

Yet again, I didn’t think twice about it. In fact, I relished the idea of chasing something with nothing but complete and utter faith. It was liberating.

After I got off the subway, herds of people around me were sprinting to get in line for J Cole. I kept my pace and decided now was not the time to mess with the flow. Somewhere inside me though, I knew that this was meant to happen. I wasn’t worried about not getting in, I knew I would. So I was calm and took my place in line. 

At this point, the line was already a block down and had wrapped around the back of the building. I didn’t know how many people they were letting in, I didn’t know whether I needed my I.D. to prove I was of age, and i didn’t know if I was too late. Whatever the odds were, I decided I didn’t care. My faith didn’t waver. 

After an hour of watching people hysterically line up or ditch their belongings, the Dreamville squad came out and started handing out wristbands. One of their guys came right up to me, gave me a wristband, and then proceeded to band everyone else. 

I looked down at my wristband and started to feel the excitement inside. I made friends with the people around me and we shared our favourite artists, our favourite J Cole albums, and anything else we could think of. Four completely different people, went from strangers to friends within minutes. That, to me, was a blessing in itself. 

We eventually got to the front doors and the Dreamville team congratulated us on making it, two hours later. I walked into Gramercy Theatre and a feeling of excitement mixed with anticipation flowed through me. Oh man. I’m going to see J Cole. Jermaine Cole. For some reason, I had only processed that piece of news as he walked out onto stage right in front of me, and before I knew it I was yelling “Jermaaaainnnneeeee!” at the top of my lungs. 

I couldn’t believe it. I think I was in shock. Of course, I knew what had been happening for the past two hours. When I received my wristband, I knew that I had a good chance of getting in. But even still, the moment when something finally happens for you, whether big or small, it still manages to leave you in disbelief. 

He started off talking about his album, KOD. While he was talking about it, I asked myself. Why am I here? Why did this randomly happen to me?

So I listened to J Cole speak. Right off the bat, he said this album took him two weeks to write, which was something he never experienced before. He said that he had been in such a flow, nothing could stop him. That’s when he knew that God was working through him. God was like “Jermaine, you can take the credit, but this is what you’re going to rap about. This is the message you’re going to send.”

As soon as he said that, I knew why I was there. See, I fully believe that we each have a God given gift to share with this world. And I’ve been on a journey to try and find mine. After months of beginning that journey, however, I started to doubt my choices, and I couldn’t see the finish line anymore. 

But after listening to J Cole speak for two minutes, I was inspired again, and I was validated in the choices I had made. Moments like that don’t just happen. Moments like that don’t just hold meaning for J Cole, they hold meaning to anyone who is listening. 

I closed my eyes, and revelled in his creation. The art of his music, his lyrics, and his flow, all delivered in perfect synchronicity, left everyone speechless. 

KOD. While it means three things, the one that stood out to me the most was Kill Our Demons. I have always been an advocate of confronting our issues and facing them head on. In fact, I willingly went to therapy years ago to do just that. If we don’t get to the root of the problem, instead, we continue to use the world’s distractions to run from our problems. When we do, we don’t feel truly happy and we don’t experience pure joy. We turn to drugs, alcohol, partying, toxic relationships, school, work, titles, money, fame, and whatever else to hide what is going on inside us. This is what J Cole’s album focuses on and coincidentally something I live by everyday. 

So if you’re in a place where you’re questioning or doubting yourself, don’t. if you want to take that leap, take it. If you want to blast rap music in a Starbucks instead of Mariah Carey, turn that shit up. And if you want to wear a grey sweater instead of a Beyoncé one, go for it. No matter big or small, trust your choices. They will eventually lead you to where you want to go. And if you really have faith, they just might lead you to a free, J Cole concert along the way.